Esto Perpetua (Latin: Let it be forever)

Thursday, December 1, 2011

SO much done too little time to blog :)

What a whirlwind month it's been! So much going on between traveling and holidays! Now we're coming up on Dallas's birthday, Christmas, and new years! Wow! Is the year really almost over!? Next year has some big things in it and it's just the ones I know about right now :) Dallas and I will be the proud parents of a one year old! In just four short months! I can hardly believe my sweet little angel will be one year old! How is that possible? She was just born yesterday, right!? Oy, I have had such a wonderful time with the little miracle God blessed me with. I've been pretty consistent with dieting despite Kara's wedding and my birthday, but, exercise on the other hand I've been SUPER GREAT at being consistent :) Not to toot my own horn or anything but I've been losing inches and I've lost 12 lbs since I started going to the gym 2 months ago :D Yay, I' so happy, it's amazing how much better I feel about myself just working out! I seriously feel so confident, I know I' not the slimmest girl in the world but, I am most definitely not the ugliest girl either :) I have a super smoking hot husband who could be a model, who chose me to be his wife, and together we made the most beautiful little girl I've ever seen. Plus, I think all my sisters are gorgeous and people say we all resemble each other so I can take that compliment to the bank :) Ha ha, sorry if this post if coming off conceited, it's not meant that way, working out just makes me feel sooo much better about myself. I had a fabulous time in FL for the wedding. The dresses were beautiful and Kara of course made a beautiful bride. At the end of the day though I was so ready to collapse, I can't even imagine how tired Kara and Daniel were seeing as how they were the honored people :) Dallas and Charlotte are so cute together! Charlotte follows him around like a puppy. She coos and babbles at him when he gets home from work or gets up in the morning. She is so in love with her Daddy. It makes it easier on me because I can actually go to the gym or clean and she's super happy with Daddy. It warms my heart to see how happy he is with her and she is with him. I am so blessed :) What a gift a loving family is. Well, I hear Little in her room so I'd better go get her. Talk to ya'll later!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Learn From It....

"For the majority of us, the past is a regret, the future an experiment."
Mark Twain

"The past is behind, learn from it. The future is ahead, prepare for it. The present is here, live for it."

Have you ever had someone reveal something to you that you really wish they hadn't? Well, that very thing happened to me Sunday. It wasn't anything earth shattering or something like that but, it was definitely disappointing. It made me want to shake the person and say "WHAT were you thinking!? Please let me into that brain and help me to understand!!" but instead I rolled my eyes and asked "What!?". The person knew this would be my reaction apparently as they hung their head and put their hands to their cheeks as they told me. I seriously don't get people sometimes. No particular age group in particular, just people in general. I don't understand the thought processes that they go through before they arrive at a conclusion. It's always been a desire to understand why people do and think what they do and to know the intimate details of why they thought they should do things a certain way. It made me think of my own similar youthful indiscretions. Fortunately mine were different circumstances and I lived in a good family so I didn't suffer the same fate I fear is coming for the person I shall call "Shannon" for conversations sake. I fear she is going to end up ruining her life and not even realize it. I'm so thankful that God spared me from what could have been very very bad decisions in my life. I'm so thankful that I was spared from making what seemed like minute decisions at the time but in retrospect could have tainted the rest of my life. I know for a fact I am living an amazing God blessed life thanks to the diligence of my parents and Godly influences. I'm so thankful that I was taught my own worth and even though I didn't feel that way a lot of the time I knew in my heart that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. That I deserved a lot better than what I was being given. I am so thankful that I don't have anything that I have to look back on with too much regret. I hope that Shannon will understand these things too and I can be a Godly influence on her, but, I see a headstrong young girl who already has her mind made up about what she's going to do. I won't give up on her though. Because nothing is final until God says it's over. So please keep "Shannon" in your prayers. Other than that Char's been acting like she's trying to teethe and being super cranky and ultra sleepy, so, who knows! Just keep praying for me and the situation. It's weird but I want to be used if God wants to use me.

"We cannot let our past cloud our perception of the future."

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

I've Forgotten My Address...

"Skinny people tick me off!!! Especially when they say things like, "You know sometimes I forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my car keys, but I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!"
Siouxsie Q

"Handy dandy dieting tip: Carrot cake counts as a serving of vegetables"

Ha ha, these quotes were really funny to me because I've actually had people tell me the same thing as at the top and almost the same thing at the bottom :) I was told in the course of casual conversation that "Potato chips count as a serving of vegetables because they're made of potatoes!" I was shocked and did make sure to ask if they really thought that statement was true, they said they did and I was amused to the point of silence. Do people really have this skewed vision of the foods they're allowed to healthfully consume? Then it makes me think about my own unhealthy eating habits. I have to say I am a sucker for anything cake-like, mmmmm cake! Oops, sorry I've been sugar free for about two and a half weeks now with absolutely no cheating at all! I'm so proud of that! Then there's the bread addiction. I could eat bread at every single meal and as a snack in between. Thanks to the Atkins diet I am doing what I knew I needed to do. As ridiculous as it sounds limiting myself to eating habits within a diets guidelines is strangely working this time. I don't know if it was teenage rebellion before or what but this time I wanted a layed out plan of what I could and couldn't do and it's working. As shown by my weigh loss ticker I'm down 9.5lbs! I'm so excited! I'm never hungry and you don't have to limit fat or count calories, that in and of itself makes the diet worth it's weight in gold! With a little baby running around, a husband to take care of, and a household to run I don't have time to obsess about the calories I'm eating. But the greatest encouragement is just the plain fact that it works without me having to do anything other than eat better than I was. I'm eating tons of fresh veggies and meat that I normally wouldn't allow myself to eat. I mean, what diet says you can eat ribs!? I mean, seriously, Yum!! Now, the last time I did Atkins it was the older version where hot dogs and cheese and eggs were the main stays of the diet. I nearly wanted to die on it! Now, veggies are recommended even with breakfast. I usually scramble some onions and green bell peppers to go with my sunny side up eggs and bacon. Come on, tell me a more classic yet delicious breakfast than that? So, while I definitely miss my delicious, sweet, succulent, wonderful cake and doughy bread it's totally worth not eating them for the energy boost and self image boost from eating healthier and better things for me. So, here's to ongoing weight loss and being healthier! Once again thanks to Shauna for pushing me :)

"Never, never, never, never give up."
Winston Churchill

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

If You Can't Pay Your Bills...

"There's always something to be thankful for. If you can't pay your bills, you can be thankful you're not one of your creditors"

"We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside the wires."
Dave Barry

Today I had my protein fortified breakfast and spent time with the Hubby and Little before sending the bread winner off to work. After a little while of playing and feeding Little it was morning nap time. Then I sat down for the most arduous task of the month: Bill Paying! It seems that each month life is getting more expensive. Now, as a family our extraneous bills are extremely low. We just have one car payment and a house payment. Then are the most painful bills, the reccuring bills that will never be paid off! The electricity, groceries, health insurance, gas, and internet/cable. Now, you may say "Amber, don't complain about the internet/cable bill that's completely optional!" No, it's actually not for us. Dallas does online classes so his homework goes through the internet and the homework for his other class that he does at Wor-Wic all the stinking homework is online too, go figure. Maybe teachers are getting lazy but you'd think a class that has a real life teacher would have real life homework. Any ways, I have been looking to find ways to shrink our monthly "controllable expenses. It's really hard! I really think I ay try to find a way to get my only prescription filled without having to use insurance. I'm young and healthy therefore I'd love to be able to drop my portion of the health isurance and just have Charlotte insured until Dallas gets into the FAA and that would save us like $150/mo! It will be even better when he gets in because then we won't really feel the insurance ding like we do now. Then there's the stupid electric bill :-/ My most hated nemesis. You never know how much that darn thing is going to be and it seems that it is ever ascending in the summer. Now, mind you, we only have a 897sq/ft home. It should be cheap to keep cool right? Wrong!!! It's around the high $150's all summer. So, yeah, that sucks. Then you have the gas bill, it's also $100 something. It's only saving grace is that in the summer we seem to get bi-monthly bills. The bill in the winter always lands right before Christmas :-[ Seriously? On a happier note though, by the grace of God we are able to pay all of our bills and doing things that we want to do. We aren't lacking in anyway. I have a major penchant for the Goodwill and Target which makes my shopping habit affordable :) Goodwill is just generally cheap and Target's clearance section keeps Charlotte dresses super cute for around $4 a piece sometimes less. The Lord Blesses us because we tithe and give to missions and to any special things that the church is collecting for. It is such a blessing that I look at a budget that on paper it looks like we should be eating cat food and never having fun, but, we are thriving as a family. We might not be putting a ton in the retirement account, but, we are putting a little. We ARE paying our bills, tithing, missions, special projects, and fun things! It will be so nice to show Charlotte when she's older that when Life knocks the wind out of you with what seems like difficult circumstances, just keep doing whats right and God takes care of the rest. When we first moved to MD we litteraly had $0 extra dollars at the end of the month. I can't even count how many times I cried because I couldn't go home to visit or shop even going grocery shopping put knots in my stomach. Thank the Lord he's blessed us with our little house that is less than half of what we were paying for rent alone. Growing up is hard to do but little by little we're getting the hang of it and God is blessing us for hanging in there :)

"Birds have bills too, and they keep on singing."

Friday, September 23, 2011

Just a List...

I was reading some of the blogs I subscribe to and one person had posted this list. I thought it is a fun way to think about your life and decided to steal it  :)  Here goes!

1. If I were to get pg again: I'd be really excited, preferably it will be when Charlott is a little older and more self sufficient so it won't be so hard on us. Having two infants at once with no family near by would be really hard.
2. If I could have any job in the world: Being a mommy  :)  I already have my dream job!

3. If I had a day to myself I would: Go for a pedicure and hopefully find a friend to go with. I don't know who I'd invite but I'd like to try  :)
4. If I could get married all over again: I would still elope to VA but I would like my parents to be there or none at all. It caused a ton of issues but I didn't know how to uninvite my future inlaws that my future husband invited. I have a feeling there's a back story there, but, I won't go there.

5. If I could live anywhere in the US: In FL back with my family  :)  I miss my Mom, Dad, and sisters sooo bad  :(

6. If my girl would have been a boy we would have named her: I have no idea! Thank God we  had a girl because Lord knows we couldn't pick a boys name. The only thing we agreed on was making the middle name Russell like Dallas  :)

7. If I could have any talent in the world: Sewing or Knitting. I can sing already, just hate to do it in front of people. I don't need that attention!

8. If you met me in real life: I hope you'd find me fun and friendly. I thik in reality you'd find me slightly boring and cautious, ferociously protective of my family and dedicated to serving the Lord  :)

9. If I could go back to school and get a different degree: I'd want to get a degree in fashion design  :)  I'd love to be able to whip up sweet outfits out of my own head like on Project Runway.

10. If money was NO object: You'd better believe we'd be in FL on a huge chunk of land living in a family compound. the guys would go fishing all day and us girls would sit around and chat, play with our babies, cook delicious gouret meals and shop!

11. If I could meet one celebrity it would be: Um, I really can't think of any real celebrities, ok, I lie. Celine Dion. I LOVE her!

12. If we had a different pet it would be: Nothing. I hate having pets. Our dog is such a pain and the other dog we had and got rid of was another disappointment. So, no more animals.

13. If I could only shop at one store for the rest of my life: I'd have to say like Macy's or soething where you get a ton of variety.

14. If I could go on a trip right now: To FL of course! Thank God I get to go in November so that's not too far away!

15. If I had to choose between a house cleaner or a personal chef: House Cleaner. Then I'd never have to do dishes because my house cleaner would take care of it all! No more laundry, no more dishes, forever!!

16. If I had the option of any plastic surgery: No thank you. That's not neccesary.

17. If I could wake up and look like anyone I would choose: Myself, I've never wanted to look like anyone else.

18. If I could have a magical super power:  I'd like the power to snap my fingers and have things happen. Job at the Eglin tower? *snap* there it is! Laundry washed, dried, folded, and put away? *snap* it's done! A super cute outfit to wear? *snap* it's there! Ha ha, that'd be great!

19. If I could change one thing in my past: Um, maybe wasting my time on people that didn't matter. I wish I would have just had enough faith in God that he'd bring the right people to me. Other than that, nothing much.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Watch What You Eat...

"A diet is when you watch what you eat and wish you could eat what you watch."
Hermione Gingold

"Rich, fatty, foods are like destiny: they too, shape our ends."

I wanted to just post a quick diet update. I am now on day three of the induction phase of the Atkins diet. Other than trying to adjust to NOT giving into sugar, this is so easy. I don't have to count calories but majoring my meals on mostly protien keeps me really full so there is never the "Oh poor me, I just want to eat something!" and the resulting guilt of giving into actually eating. It also is allowing me to get control of what I already know is my issue, too many sugars and carbs. I don't know about you but, Girl do I love me some bread! I can eat bread at every single meal and still eat it as a snack in between meals. I know in my heart that it's not suppose to be that way with my eating habits but I still eat way too much bread when I'm not dieting. Even when I am dieting there is the 40cal a slice bread so that's healthy right? Ha ha, anyways, the New and Improved Atkins is really good about laying out how and why the diet works. It also allows a very good range of veggies that I can lay into. I love veggies, not so much cheese which in the old diet was a mainstay. That and eggs, blech! I hate egg yolks. I usually eat the whites but I'm trying to get over that because there are so many good things for us in an egg yolk. But, it also has become easier to eat out on this diet because restaurants are becoming more in tune with people's desire to eat and live healthier. Therefore I can pretty much go to any restaurant now and eat without having to ask for special things done to my meal, whick is so great. It's really funny because I got my book last Tuesday and started eating whatever the heck I wanted that wouldn't be allowed on the diet. It was a glorious yet long four days. It was funny because I got sick of eating fast/fattening foods, so I had to force myself to eat dinner. Then Sunday it was so hard to resist the cookies and clam chowder at church but I did it and stuck to my salad and string cheese. Then it was BIRTHDAYS celebration that night and so I sat around watching everyone eat ice cream, cookies, and cake! I was rewarded with KFC's grilled chicken and green beans so I wasn't completely left out :) I'm hoping to lose about 35lbs total. I want to lose at least half by Kara's wedding. I know I prolly won't lose it all but I don't want to be monstrously bigger than everyone else. I know I'll never be in the 120's or less like my sisters are but, I can be 135-145lbs and I don't look like I'm a huge monster compared to them. I'm a bigger scaled girl than them but it carries differently on me too. Though, I won't lie, I'd love to quote my sisters weight to people instead of my own! To be tiny and cute would be great, but, God gave me this body so I want it to look as good as it possibly can. I must say I am extremely pleased so far and wish I'dve started sooner! Thank you Shauna for telling me over and over to try it out! I owe you one low carb cookie ;D Ha ha! Anyways, I'll keep ya'll updated from time to time and ya'll keep me accountable and encouraged, ok?

"No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you can do is run for public office."
George Bernard Shaw

Saturday, September 17, 2011

"You've Got to Start Young”

"Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it you've got to start young."
Theodore Roosevelt
"The greatest amount of wasted time is the time not getting started."
Dawson Trotman
So, a friend and my sister had a post that got me to thinking. I've been working on letting go of my angst and feeling of discontentment. I've been real down since we got to MD because I really want to get back home and it's not happening. I started getting sad about my tiny house, Charlotte not having any girls her age, and just generally stupid stuff that shouldn't bother me. I realized that if I'm supposed to be happy here and content why should we keep waiting for our "real" life to start? This is our real life! We're going to be in this house til God sees fit to let us leave MD, hopefully to Fl or GA :) So, I decided that we're going to start nesting and that means getting my house set up as a place we CHOOSE to live in. I hate having mismatched furniture and old lumpy fall apart junk that's give to me and it works so we take it. We're going to have real furniture and a house that I like being in and am comfortable in. If I keep waiting life will never start, you know? There'll always be a reason to see the gloomy dark sucky side of things. I CHOOSE to start living like I enjoy this little house because I do for the most part. I enjoy the massive yard with room for Charlotte to have a swing and a playhouse one day, apple trees to eat fresh delicious apples, peach trees with the most delicious white peaches you've ever eaten, room for a vegetable garden, a flourishing little herb garden right out my kitchen door, a bonfire spot that is soon to become a stone bonfire pit, and so many flowering trees! When I consciously list the things I love about this place I feel so stupid for being so ungrateful. We even have a ton of room to add on to make the master sweet and closet I've always dreamed of. This house is like myself, room to grow and become the person I've always wanted to be. It's exciting to think of the things I can do, if I only let God do it. I have a feeling I hold him back a lot because of my bad ungrateful attitude. Which is a hard thing to think. I want God to use me and bless me if for no other reason than for Charlotte's sake. I know for a fact that because my parents were faithful to God I lived in a blessed house and want Charlotte to have the same thing, to know thta God is real because she sees him on a daily basis
"The begining is the most important part of the work."

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

There's a monster in my house!

"A Baby is an inestimable blessing and a bother"
Mark Twain
What a day! Good grief, what a FEW days. So, I think Charlotte is teething but then again I've been thinking that for like two whole months, so I really don't know what to think :( These last few days she has pretty much cried non-stop with me and when I say cry I mean cuh-ry and with a lot of screaming, like horror movie screaming, thrown in. Of course this all falls on the days that Dallas has long work days so I'm left with the demon child all alone for extended periods of time. It was so bad coming home from the ladies meeting (that I shouldn't have even gone too, stupid me!!) that my heart was racing til about half an hour after she'd finally fallen asleep. She screamed all the way home from church, while I was holding her unloading the car, while I changed her diaper and into her pajamas, and through her bottle. She also screamed quite a bit while she was fighting going to sleep which was what she really needed most. Then to add insult to injury she hasn't been sleeping well either. So, I've been dealing with the most unhappy baby on the planet while also not being able to get more than 2-3 solid hours of sleep for the last 4 days. Part of the lack of sleep is my wonderful husbands fault. He's not the best bed sharer sometimes. I've been feeling mself slowly turning into a troll and I've been praying hard that God will help me controll myself. However, I've noticed the slow slide into sleep deprived insanity has begun. I try to comfort myself with the fact that this phase won't last long either. She's obviously not feeling good so I just take a deep breath about every 10-15min and try something new to pacify the monster. As much as I really should be wistfully remembering the days that I could have run away to work and left the screamer behind for someone else to care for, that is the one thing I am most glad I don't have to do. I am so thankful that I am the one taking all the screaming and rabid hair pulling and kicks to the hand while trying to change her diaper. I'd bawl my eyes out trying to hand her over to someone else to love and mother her when that's what I should be doing, I'm so grateful that I am the recipient of the torture because I know that she's building a bond with me and she'll know that I'm the one who loves her and will comfort and care for her no matter what. Besides, in this place, I highly doubt that I'd be able to find someone that wouldn't just sit her in a bed and let her rip. I'm glad that I can take her out and swing her and rock her or whatever to try and make her feel better. Ah, I feel so much better after letting that out. I hope this doesn't make me a bad mommy, complaining about my baby, but, I'm sorry that's what's going on and for a whole month and a half I've had her all by myself, no dates or baby breaks other than an hour at church on sunday morning and night. I still love her more than anything and soon she should return to her mostly happy gleeful self :) I know if I could just get a good nights sleep everything would seem easier :) Anyways, I've been wanting to lose some weight and I've taken the plunge and ordered the Atkins Diet book. My sister sings it's praises so I figure I'll read it and hopefull be able to start it next week and get this sugar monster out of my system. I've been really really bad with my eating habits lately and I hate myself for it! Ugh! Lot's of self loathing lately, but, on the plus side it's less than two months before I get to escape to FL! Ah, sweet sweet Fl! I have been dying to just be in my mother's presence! It will make me feel so much better to be around my family again. But, I seem to have hit a wall in my writing mind and will prolly go try to lay down and rest for a bit :) Talk to ya'll later!

Friday, August 19, 2011

Long Time No Post :)

Well, my internet browser isn't working so unfortunately I'm too lazy to type out my usual quotes :) Ha ha, anyways as ya'll can tell I've been pretty busy with life in general to post a blog in a while. That and the fact that I'm not sure anyone is reading anyore, but, that's fine. This is kind of an online journal so, it will continue when I have the time. Well, Charlotte is 10 days from being 5months old! I can't believe it is already that far along! She is 20lbs and last time she was measured 25 1/2 inches long and that was two weeks ago! My baby girl is so big! Dallas is settling into the roll of Loving Daddy extremely well. He's also happy baby girl is allowing me to make dinner and lately get a little cleaning done. It all just depends on how well she naps and how often :) If she naps she will let me clean while she's asleep and the better she naps the more content she is to sit in her bouncy seat to allow me to clean things and cook. A no nap day (which is still extremely often) means a cranky ladybug and no breaks from holding and a terrible evening as she tries to go to sleep at 5:45p and I try to keep her up til at least 7pm. As much as this ight sound as complaining I promise I'm not, I would not trade my new life for anything! I absolutely adore my baby girl and wouldn't trade this life for anything in the world. It's such an amazing thing to be able to stay home with my Little and watch her grow and experience things for the first time again with her. Seeing the world through her eyes makes me want to try to be more focused on the now. When I do I find that I'm amazed by the little things all over again. Things like lightning bugs in the backyard at night, the stars in a clear sky, butterflies dancing in the yard are all things I see every single day but sometimes forget to marvel at the unique beauty that God gave us. It's so refreshing to watch Little enjoy things. Her face lights up and she smiles that big toothless open mouth smile and it's just an overwhelming experience. Now, on the me front, I've been trying to lose some of the baby weight. At 10wks PG I weighed 155lbs I weighed 205lbs at my last OB appt and now I weigh 173.7lbs. I've hit an exercise snag because I did something weird to my leg. I think I did too much too soon on my elliptical and had a weird under skin bleed in my calf that kept going on for about 3weeks so I'm giving it a rest from heavy exercise and just trying to stay busy in the house and getting out to walk around. So, I' happy to say I am down 32lbs on my own but I want to be about 140-145lbs. That's when I'm at my happiest weight. It's such an agonizing process because I'm so impatient. I can tell in my clothes that I'm losing because they are looser, so that's good but the OCD in me wants to see it on the scale too. It's also odd because everyone says your body chnges after child birth. I figured since I had a c-section my hips would shrink down quickly and life would go on. Boy was I w-r-o-n-g!Now, I've always been a "rear" carrier but this is just ridiculous! My German heritage has placed my extra weight (quite litteraly) squarley on by rump. I square off when I'm gainging weight and my rear looks long and square. Now since being PG I have what I call a "Fat Belt". It's my hips, the fat is in a V shape from my hips and it meets at a point in the usual tummy pouch. It's so weird because my hips are a good 2inches larger than my hips and waist right above the hips! It looks so odd! But, thank God for suckers! You know, the greatest invention for women kind ever invented -spanx :D Ha ha! I've been utilizing mine regularly for church and what not. While I love it I feel slightly guilty like I'm deceiving people. It's the same way I feel about plastic surgery, it's not impressive if I look good because I paid to look that way, it's not natural! But, I still succomb because I hate the way I look in certain clothes that show my "belt" :) Ugh, I just tell myself it will go away if I stay consitent with being active and eating better. Plus what better reason is there to ruin my body than my beautiful baby girl? I'd do it again 10x if I could afford them and live closer to my mom so I had more help ;D Well, I guess I'm done for now, and please for give any dropped letters on my words. I'm using internet explorer and they can't see to keep up with my typing speed which I assure you is not all that fast! Until then please keep me and the family in your prayers!
Love you guys!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

A Mother Always Has To Think Twice

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.
Sophia Loren

Being a full time mom is one of the highest salaried jobs... since the payment is pure love.
Mildred B. Vermont

Hey guys, long time no write :) It's been twelve weeks since my little girl made her debut into the world. It started out kinda rough but we're slowly but surely learning how to make her happy. She is getting better about car rides, sleeping, eating, and just generally being happier girl. It's nice to see that she is a happy baby. She is getting settled into a nighttime schedule so I have a little alone time to spend with Dallas. It was definitely a rough transition for him to go from the only one getting my attention to having to share me, even if it is with a tiny little screamer :) Now that we've got time in the morning and time at night things feel a ton better. I knew we'd be preoccupied with the baby but it didn't hit me how little time we'd have together. So now we definitely are making a point to have a solo date night at least every other week. I'm so thankful for good people from church that are willing and actually dying to watch Charlotte for us so I'm not stressed out about her. It's so nice to get out just Dallas and I even if it only ends up being two or three hours. I love having that time to just be together and not have to do nything other than focus on him. Charlotte is so sweet and getting happier the bigger she gets. She smiles so much and tries to talk to us already. All she's really able to say right now is "Ahgoo" and "Ahhhhh" but when she gets really upset and she's crying she'll break out the "Maaaamaaaa!!!" and it just rips my heart out :) She's also learning to make a super poochy lip too, is it wrong that I find it incredibly cute? It's gotten a lot better being at home all the time too. It just took some adjusting to go from going all the time to being home all the time. SO now my priorities prayer wise are for things to keep going well and to get us down south again. We really love our little house and piece of land but it is just way too far from family. I' praying that Eglin opens up and we can get a position there or even Pensacola. I just am dying to get closer to my family. As frustrating as the situation is I am trying to stay patient so if this is the Lord trying to teach me to be patient I can get my passing grade and head home :) Otherwise we're here til He lets us go, until then I'll try and keep everyone updated :) Love you all keep us in your prayers :)

Motherhood changed me because it is so fundamental what you're doing for another person. And you are able to do even though it takes a lot.
Meg Ryan

Monday, April 18, 2011

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Small And Brand New

Ten fingers, Ten toes
She's laughter and teardrops
So small and brand new
And amazingly angelic
She's sent to bless you
She's one special Baby
The best of life's treasure
And will grant and bless you
Many hours of great pleasure.
Author Unknown

She's here! Baby Charlotte Jane came into the world on March 29, 2011. She made her entrance at 2:56pm weighing 8.2 lbs and 20 3/4 in long. I still don't know how she crammed up inside of 5'5'' me, but, she did and she is gorgeous :) It started monday the 28th after I'd gone for my regular check up. We got there early, 9:30am so as hopefully be seen on time since I was due to work at 11am. They weighed me and checked my BP on time and shorty escorted us to a room, where we waited for over 2 hours to be seen. When the doctor finally came in we saw her for all of 30 seconds and were basically told that they'd be seeing us next week and they'd discuss inductions. I was shocked and angry, 1. that she'd not updated me on my progress like effacement or dilation and 2. that we'd waited that long and she didn't even ask me if we had any questions. After we left I made it to work 30min late and was feeling extremely uncomfortable. At one point I had to leave the teller line because I was so uncomfortable and in pain. The girls at work were saying that I was going to go into labor in the next few days. I have had the 29th in my mind for the longest time, it was really funny like a premonition. Well, I worked and went home and took it easy I just felt bad, like pressure down there. Then after Dallas got home from class I decided to jump in the shower to help me feel better. I felt a little better and got in bed and we slept. I woke up at 2:30am and felt a stomach cramp. I thought maybe I needed to go to the bathroom, well, I got back in bed and I noticed that they were coming exactly 5min apart. I didn't want to wake Dallas up if there was nothing going on and when he rolled over at 4:15am I said "Are you awake?" "Yeah, why?" "I think I'm having contractions." "What!? Really?" So, we timed the and they were every five min and lasted about one min a piece. So we decided that I should call my mom and see what she had to say. She said we should definitely call to see if the hospital would get us in for a check to see what I was doing as far as labor progression. So we loaded up the car and headed out. We got to the hospital and they checked e and said I was definitely in labor and was 80% effaced and 3cm dilated. They got us settled in a room and there we waited. As the day went on I got sick twice, which was weird, I didn't know that happened and I got the epidural at 5cm. Once again we were waiting but with the contractions gone it was actually fine. Then about 2pm the doctor came in and said he thought I needed a c-section. I thought for sure he meant later on that day and then he says "So, let me know what you think so we can get things started." I said "You mean like now?" and then he just said that we could wait since the baby wasn't in distress but that it would just prove the point that I needed one to have her. So I said "You're the doctor" and they started prepping me for surgery. As they were rolling me back I was so scared and the tips of my fingers went numb and my head got very light. I prayed that God would help me to calm down because I was feeling like I was going to pass out and I wanted to be awake to hear her first cry and see if she had hair all the first things Mom's want to know when Babies make their debuts. So, long story short she was born at 2:56pm and Dallas did such a great job he was so supportive and even starved while I had to starve :) I kept begging him to get food but he didn't want to eat while I couldn't. He's been the biggest help and to see him with the baby, how much he loves her and me. It just melts my heart. I was also really happy because my mom got to come and stay the week with us. She cooked and cleaned and helped with Charlotte and basically was the best mom a girl could have asked for. I a very sad that she had to leave today, it really broke my heart and I've been crying off and on. I' trying to hold it in til Charlotte is asleep because this isn't anything to do with her so I don't want her to see me. I am also wishing that the weather would war up already. I am going to go stir crazy inside all day. I can't wait to get out into the sunshine. Since I had the c-section I can't drive for two weeks, and outside is really the only place I can go for another week by myself. I was able to be active right up til her delivery so this being still stuff is stinking! I feel like I'm locked in my living room. That's where it's easiest to rock her and nurse her and pump basically I live in the living room! I am very grateful that she at least seems to sleep pretty well at night. We had one night that she didn't sleep well and I didn't sleep at all except for maybe three under ten minute cat naps. So, Kara comes in Friday and it will be great to have company again. I just wish it was during the week when I'm here alone. It really really hit me how much I wish I was close to my family. I mean, we've been applying everywhere fro GA-NWFl and nothings been offered yet. I wish I was closer so all of the babies firsts could be shared and I wouldn't feel so overwhelmed. I just feel like as much as I know, I know nothing. It will also be nice when she's a little older and can keep me company. So anyways today is her One Week Birthday :) We love her so much and know it only gets better! Thanks for all your prayers and please please keep me in your prayers as I really need them right now.

A babe in the house is a well-spring of pleasure, a messenger of peace and love, a resting place for innocence on earth, a link between angels and men.
Martin Fraquhar Tupper

Thursday, March 17, 2011

The Oil That Eases Friction

In family life, love is the oil that eases friction, the cement that binds closer together, and the music that brings harmony.
Eva Burrows

The real question isn't whether or not you love your kids, but how well you are able to demonstrate your love and caring so that your children really feel loved.
Stephanie Marston

15 days! I cannot believe it's only 15 days til little miss Charlotte is said to be due to make her grand entrance into our world! I have the nursery set up and the swing, the high chair, the little bed in our room. Her clothes are all washed and folded and I'm planning my return to pre-pregnancy fashion :) I can't wait to be able to breathe again and get up from sitting a short time and not feeling like my back is made of porcelain. I will miss feeling her move in my tummy, that is quite an indescribable feeling. It's not even something I can explain when people ask how it feels. It's not butterflies, never has been, it feels like a person in there trying to get comfortable. I remind myself that no matter how uncomfortable I am she is infinitely more so than I can even imagine. I know she doesn't know any different than her current surroundings but it makes me less apt to whine ;) I am also excited because Mom and Kara are definitely coming to see Charlotte and I'm praying the Lord will open the appropriate financial doors that everyone can come see her. Then in November I'll get to celebrate my birthday and Kara's wedding all in one weekend! What a great time that will be! Not too much has been going on other than getting the final things ready for the baby. I'm still working and last doctors appointment I hadn't gained any weight :) I was sure glad to see that. I think what I had gained is sufficient ;) Ha ha, well keep us in your prayers please! She'll be here anytime now!

In truth a family is what you make it. It is made strong, not by number of heads counted at the dinner table, but by the rituals you help family members create, by the memories you share, by the commitment of time, caring, and love you show to one another, and by the hopes for the future you have as individuals and as a unit.
Marge Kennedy

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

The Future Worth Living For

A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for.
Author Unknown

"I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”"

We're on the end side of this mountain called pregnancy :) I've been feeling pretty good lately I have my achey days here and there. As long as I can sleep I don't feel too bad but when I don't, OY! I feel like a beaten up monster. I've also started having an issue where my hands fall asleep in the night and ache in the morning when I wake up. Come to find out it's Carpal Tunnel Syndrome brought on by pregnancy! That was a new one for me, I did not know that could happen! Then at work we lost a couple girls so my schedule has gotten changed up. I hate the hours because while it's nice to getting off at 1:30 I don't get to see Dallas really at all on monday, tuesday, or wednesday. It's really bad, I'm so spoiled with getting to spend most of my days with him and now I feel like I barely see him again. I know I'm whining, I am just spoiled :) It will be really nice to have Charlotte here to hang out with me instead of on nights like tonight where Dallas works for nine hours and I'm here alone, I'll have her to keep me company. Anyways, I'm glad to be almost done and be back to normal! I'm not a fan of the weirdness of the big tummy that is so cumbersome. It will be worth it all once she's here.

"Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning."

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The End

“What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.”
T.S. Elliot

“Every day is a fresh beginning, Every morn is the world made new”
Sarah Chauncey Woolsey

It's the new year and by golly we're halfway through January all ready! Can someone slow down the time a little please? We are now in our third trimester officially :) It's almost down to ten weeks before our little girl makes her debut into the world. We've been pretty busy with getting the holidays done, traveling, and planning for Charlotte. Fortunately everything is going according to plan so far and the weight is on track. I'm hoping to be able to keep the gain reasonable so that it won't be too hard to get off before Kara's wedding in November. I think that's a fairly reasonable goal, to be at least at my 10 week baby weight of 155. My ideal is around 140 but, I'm not going to stress about it. I just don't want it to be completely obvious that I just had my baby a few months prior. I am very thankful for the fact that I am married to a man who loves my pregnancy shape and never fails to tell me how gorgeous he thinks I am. It's really helpful because even though I don't feel ginormous or ugly it is so nice to hear that the man you find most attractive still thinks you're the most attractive. We get to lay in bed at night and watch little Charlotte going crazy in my tummy. It's funny because she's most active in the morning when I wake up and when I lay down in bed at the end of the day. She lets me sleep well at night (between trips to the bathroom) and even nap when I can get myself to sleep. I dreamed last night that she was born and probably about three months old and she had wispy red hair :) I love to dream about how she looks. She normally has dark hair like my little sisters did, last night she took after her Daddy's side. I've yet to dream she's white blonde, that's really taking after her Daddy. He was the Whitest haired little boy I've ever seen. Anyways, we'll be preparing stuff for the hospital stay before long. Dallas wants to make a run to the hospital and find the maternity ward soon. He is very much wanting to have that planned so he won't freak out once I do go into labor. Thank God we don't live more that 5-10min from the hospital, in traffic no less. So, I'm not too concerned but it will ease his mind to know. I guess that comes from his years as a military man. I'll try to post some pics of the babies room sometime soon. We've put off setting it completely up until it's closer, so it's almost that time. I find it hard to believe! Reality struck when the doctor told me Monday "Well, We will be seeing you back in two weeks then" and it hit me that that means that we're right there at the end! It means we've hit the last ten weeks! So, even if she goes lat we've got at the most 11-12 weeks before we're honest to goodness practicing parents! I can't wait but at the same time it's kind of scary. Thank God I've got a man I can totally trust and rely on to be a great man and a loving Father and Husband and has wanted this his whole life. He can't wait to try out being a Daddy and teach her things. We were at Lowe's the other day and passed the rug section. He just so happened to notice a city scape rug. His eye's lit up because he's been wanting one for her to play with but the only ones we were finding were large and expensive. This one had roads, buildings, a farm, school, and of course an airport complete with runway. He was so excited that he scooped it up before he even checked the price. I was happy that it was $19.99 because Charlotte was going to have that rug no matter what :) As we were carrying it up to pay he tells me "I'm going to teach Charlotte how to do Air Traffic!" and it made me smile. He's so eager to teach her things and I couldn't be happier to watch him show her the world. So, that's all for now friends please keep us in your prayers as we're nearing the home stretch!

"From quiet homes and first beginning, Out to the undiscovered ends, There's nothing worth the wear of winning, But laughter and the love of friends."
Hilaire Belloc