Esto Perpetua (Latin: Let it be forever)

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Changes Every Day

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France

If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies. ~Author Unknown

I was getting ready for work on Monday and as I finished applying my make up I looked in the mirror and thought "I look like a Mom." Not in a "I'm dressed too frumpy or have bad hair" way but just older and mature. It's funny because lately it seems every other day something new is popping up. Then yesterday it seemed as if all of a sudden I have a baby bump. A real one, not the "is it a pooch or is that maybe a baby in there?" kind but a real honest to goodness baby bump and it was a happy moment. I've been dying for this moment to arrive where I don't feel merely fat but I feel like I look pregnant. Dallas noticed and all the girls at work brought it up too. It's so scary that as of this Friday I'm officially half way done. I can't wait to meet my little girl but I really dread the getting her here part. I've always been afraid of it. Sometimes watching A Baby Story is helpful but other times it fills me with fear :) It's like a car wreck you can't help but look even if you've covered your eyes you still peek through just a little to see. It gives me a little comfort to familiarize myself with the process. I never realized that the first kid will take almost all day to get out... *gulp! So, whatever, the more I know the better I'll feel when the time comes. I'd rather know and be nervous than to have no idea and freak at every little thing like when we knew I was pregnant but didn't know how far along we were. It was like living in slow motion, the fear of doing something wrong that would compromise the little life inside that we didn't want to do much of anything but stay put and go to work/church. :) I'm so grateful to have this experience though, every little punch she gives me reminds me of the angel that's coming. I love the idea of Dallas and his little girl. There couldn't be a prouder Daddy at this time and he's being really amazing at helping around the house and handling the more delicate situations I won't go too in detail on here. But, he's exactly the man I need and I am so blessed to have a husband who not only loves me but is willing to do things that I can't really figure out how to do on my own and supports me. So, all that being said, Happy 25th Birthday to me tomorrow! :) I'm still excited even if Dallas has to work and I'll be here alone most of the day. See ya'll on the 25 side!

Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed. ~Irene Peter

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

One Of The Most Beautiful Miracles In Life

A baby of the most beautiful miracles in life, one of the greatest joys we can ever know, and one of the reasons why there is a little extra sunshine, laughter and happiness in your world today.
-- Author Unknown

A daughter is a bundle of firsts that excite and delight, giggles that come from deep inside and are always contagious, everything wonderful and precious and your love for her knows no bounds.
-- Barbara Cage

The mystery is solved, we're having a little girl :) I can't explain why but I have such a warm feeling thinking about having a little girl. I would have loved having a boy as well, but, I've always seen myself as starting the family with a girl first. Even though my older sister and I always wanted a big brother until we realized since we already existed a big brother was impossible, therefore we decided the rest of our siblings should be girls. We got our wish too! (Sorry Dad!) Once again when we got in the room for the ultra sound we were so nervous and excited, the anticipation was killing us because we had to wait all day to find out. When we entered the room and I lay on the table, the technician asked if we had any preferences either way, and we could honestly say no. I'd been afraid that Baby would have the legs crossed and keep the gender a secret. Sure enough she did! So, the lady took measurements of all the things she needed to and all of a sudden Baby started kicking and punching :) And then the big reveal, She's a Girl! I was so thrilled and kind of shocked, I'd begun to adjust to the thought of having a boy, still terrified of the dangers that boys get into but, adjusting none the less. Dallas got this huge smile on his face and he said "Wow" that's it :) Wow. Ha ha, he was so happy because all along he's referred to the baby as "she" and "her". I think he's also a little nervous because like me and a boy, he doesn't have any experience with girls. He loves little girls, he thinks they're so sweet and innocent. He's always loved my little sisters too, he just thinks Abi can do no wrong :) I tell him stories that I remember of my little sisters and my Dad, how every night before bed time they'd climb into his lap and fall asleep cuddled against his chest. I can't wait to see him as a dad, he's so sweet and loving, he thinks he can be Mr. Stern but he already says "My girls" and puts his hand on m tummy even though I'm not really showing too much and we can't feel her kick yet. He's so in love with the little girl inside that I can already see I'm going to be in trouble when she's on the outside :) He talks about how kids need to cry it out to learn to sleep through the night and while I know eventually that point comes, I also know he will be saying "Please can we get her!? She's so sad!!" He can't handle Cotton crying in his kennel so imagine him trying to deny his little baby girl when she is crying at night :) Right, like that's gonna happen. I'm excited as well because now we can plan on definitely setting up the nursery a certain way. I can't wait this will make my MS worth it, but, my wallet is already feeling the squeeze for all the stuff we need just to get the bedroom set up not to mention all the other things that babies require for everything else. So, I'm going to be done for now, I'll keep ya'll updated as the nursery comes along :)

She will fill our lives with sunshine... And our hearts with love.
-- Author Unknown

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Silent Unspeakable Memories

What greater thing is there for human souls than to feel that they are joined for life - to be with each other in silent unspeakable memories. ~George Eliot

The happiness of the domestic fireside is the first boon of Heaven; and it is well it is so, since it is that which is the lot of the mass of mankind. ~Thomas Jefferson, 1813

The funny thing about being pregnant is how often Dallas & I find ourselves wondering what our baby will look like and what Baby Keever will act like. We think back on our different experiences in childhood and laugh and (with his) shudder. Will Baby Keever be a quiet Baby or will she be a noisy talker? Will she respect authority like I did and be a good child or will she be defiant and take all the screws out of furniture when she's put in a separate room because the teacher had to take her out of class because she was heckling her at seven years old? Will she be happy and content to play outside with her drawing things and pretend dog or will she destroy our car with a baseball bat and booby trap our friends cars to pass the time? Will she accept her spankings when she's been bad or will she cut up all of her daddy's belts and hide them in her closet so she can avoid being spanked? Will she clean the fish tank since it's her chore for the week or will she break the fish tank... three times? Will she be a sweet good natured child or a wild crazy tormentor of the siblings to come yet secretly value them as best friends? All these examples are true real life examples of Dallas, yes, I do not exaggerate one bit. I shudder when I hear stories of my husbands childhood, he was so boyish and just I don't know how to put it into words. He says the things that he and his brother did as a boy just popped into their heads and they did it. No explanation. No reason. It was just something to do! God only knows what he would have been like had he not been saved when he was 15. Thinking about childhood is so funny to me, I remember how I just did not like Kara. I didn't care for her one bit, but, let anyone else pick on her they faced the wrath of Amber. Then sometime around my teenage years I really liked Kara. Now she's definitely one of m favourite people in the universe. The funny thing is as different as our childhoods were, now we're the same person. It's so crazy how often we're thinking the same thing at the same time. We will literally say the same sentence at the same time. It's funny how people grow up and become different people yet at the same time we're those people we were all those years ago. I still see that mean pesterer pop out every now and then and have to remind my husband he is just that and I'm not his little sister :) I'm still perfectly fine to stay with my drawing stuff and be home. I can't wait to meet Baby Keever and teach her all the things she should know and experience things for her first time along with her. To hear her belly laugh at something and watch her sleep peacefully on her proud daddy's chest, all the things that make life worth living and make life worth living. I love Dallas more than words could ever express. I wake up in the morning and watch him sleep and I still can't believe I got to marry him, I can't fathom how much we're both going to love our baby. It's so amazing and I can't wait to see Dallas as a Dad. Wow. Anyways we have a doctors appointment tomorrow so I don't know what's going to happen but, that's what up.

And thank you for a house full of people I love. Amen. ~Terri Guillemets

Saturday, September 4, 2010

An Inestimable Blessing and Bother

If one feels the need of something grand, something infinite, something that makes one feel aware of God, one need not go far to find it. I think that I see something deeper, more infinite, more eternal than the ocean in the expression of the eyes of a little baby when it wakes in the morning and coos or laughs because it sees the sun shining on its cradle.
Vincent Van Gogh

A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother.
Mark Twain

So Dallas and I learned yesterday that we are *exactly 10 weeks along. It's amazing what is happening and you don't really know. It really stinks to be pregnant. I'd always wanted to be the cute little pregnant girl with perfect glowy clear skin and the tiny little belly that was only apparent from the side. Of course I knew these were high and very lofty goals reserved for the select few but a girl can dream right? Anyhow the ridiculousness that is morning sickness besieges me morning afternoon and evening so I really don't get why they call it morning sickness. I've only thrown up twice but I seem to feel nauseous all the time and that is something I've always hated with a passion. To top it off my clothes are getting pretty uncomfortable only around the waist and I'm freaking out about the fact that 7mo from now I'll be in agony getting the baby out and into the world. Then came yesterday. For about twenty minutes Dallas and I were watching our little miracle floating and swimming and kicking inside *MY stomach. It was surreal, I almost expected there to not be anything on the monitor but there Baby was. The look on Dallas's face was beyond words, he was so happy, excited, and proud all rolled into one nervous man. As I lay there holding his hand and watching that screen the loss of my lucky charm breakfast not even two hours prior faded away and the nausea disappeared. I was no longer nervous but rather felt happier than, well, prolly since the day I became Mrs. Amber Keever. It's such a terrifying prospect to me. That we will have the responsibility of raising a baby that will one day be a real person like us. The possibilities are endless for how a person can turn out. I know God brought me the perfect and only man for me and gave us this baby, he obviously trusts us to do whats right and raise this child for his honor and glory. I just pray we can raise a child worthy of Him. I know I really don't have too much to worry about because I have the Lord and His word to help guide me through the tough times, and a husband who couldn't be happier or more eager to please and ready to grow a child :) Dallas is so happy he doesn't even care if it's a boy or girl. I think he's secretly hoping for a little girl like me, but either way we're so elated to be having a baby no matter what the sex is. Anyways, I'll be posting again after the next appointment which is who knows when. They still need to call to schedule my next one. Super annoying! Until then I love you all and hope you're all doing well. Please keep us in your prayers :)

If nature had arranged that husbands and wives should have children alternatively, there would never be more than three in a family.
Lawrence Housman

Thursday, August 12, 2010

A Common Craving

By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant. ~Phyllis Diller

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone

So Here it is: We're having a baby :) It's weird. I know of a lot of other people who are also pregnant right now. I just can't believe it's me now. The secret is that we've been trying for a year and a half and it's not happened. This time I wasn't expecting to get a positive test either but for some reason God's decided that this is our time to start our little family :) As far as it goes, there were a few reasons to suspect that I was possibly pregnant but I still didn't believe it. So far it's been good, the morning sickness is a doozy. Completely horrible and gross, I'm hoping to find out how far along I am and that it will be over soon :) So that's all I got for ya'll right now. My appointment is on August 30 and I have an ultra sound scheduled for Sept. 3. Ok, gotta run to work!

A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on. ~Carl Sandburg

Thursday, July 1, 2010

One more time...

"Prayer is when you talk to God; meditation is when you listen to God."
Diana Robinson

We just finished our Revival this last Sunday at church. What a great time in the Lord. Our visiting Evangelist was a man named Dan Toney. He played the guitar and sang very very well. Reminded me of an old western cowboy, so soothing and calm. All of the messages were so incredible but this one in particular hit home. It was on prayer and patience. He didn't preach so much on patience but praying always goes hand in hand with patience as well as faith. In the message he said "Who knows what God will do if but pray one more time." When he said it, he didn't phrase it as a question for us to ponder. It was a statement. Bro. Dan was saying keep on praying. Never give up until God says no. Just because God doesn't answer yet doesn't mean he's saying no. Maybe he's trying to teach us something. Maybe it's a trial of our faith and belief that he can do anything. That God is going to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think. I was struck by this statement even though I pray on even when I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes it feels a tad robotic to pray the same thing over and over again. I tell myself to just do it, the prayer is prayed and I fell like it's done but what did it accomplish? To hear it spoken so literally and so heart felt and believed by a man who had lived the christian life preaching God's word and living by faith longer than I've been on this green earth and see the tears well up in his blue eyes made me so happy to know I serve a God who loves me and wants the best for me. I need to keep the faith and live for the God of heaven who loves me so much and saved me from a death that I truly deserve. How can I doubt him? He's been with me every moment of my life and it's more apparent every moment I live that He is ordering my steps. When I was in kindergarten I sang a song called "In His Time" and I don't know why but I have remembered it ever since. I feel as if I'm living that very song right now. Many of the things in my heart I pray for daily haven't come to pass yet but in His time they will be a blessing that I'll know God brought specifically for me. The thoughts of what God is going to do for me makes me so excited and anxious even. What more could we ask for in life than for a best friend and guide who we can depend on 100% of the time, who will never let us down, who will never leave us or forsake us? I'm so grateful for our God. Let me close this out by reminding everyone to remember to pray for our troops this weekend. It's through their sacrifice that we get to celebrate our independence. I included a prayer by a great American hero. Let's keep praying, even for the things we've not seen yet. God loves us so much. Isn't that the most incredible mystery?

“I have had prayers answered - most strangely so sometimes - but I think our heavenly Father's loving-kindness has been even more evident in what He has refused me.”

Lewis Carroll

“God of our fathers, who by land and sea have ever lead us to victory, please continue your inspiring guidance in this the greatest of all conflicts. Strengthen my soul so that the weakening instinct of self-preservation, which besets all of us in battle, shall not blind me to my duty to my own manhood, to the glory of my calling, and to my responsibility to my fellow soldiers. Grant to our armed forces that disciplined valor and mutual confidence which insures success in war. Let me not mourn for the men who have died fighting, but rather let me be glad that such heroes have lived. If it be my lot to die, let me do so with courage and honor in a manner which will bring the greatest harm to the enemy, and please, oh Lord, protect and guide those I shall leave behind. Give us the victory, Lord.”
General George S. Patton

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Be Careful What You Wish For...

Be Careful What You Wish For You Just Might Get It....

I've been thinking lately with all the new things surrounding me. New job, new kitchen, new prayers, new desires. Everything and anything I can think of has been thought. Fortunately God has brought one of my ruminations to life before my very disbelieving eyes. It was a moment of God reaching down quite literally and showing me something He wanted me to see. The other day, Dallas and I saw a little Robin fighting with all her heart to get a string from a garden. The string was wrapped very well in the garden as a plant tie. We watched the Robin fight with her whole heart for about twenty minutes and giggled at her folly. Surely she would realize she'd never win the battle, give up, and fly away to a more profitable venture such as the feeder sitting in the backyard. The day turned to evening which turned to the next day. As Dallas and I were outside cleaning up the yard I kept hearing a rustle in the tree. I couldn't figure out what was going on. I mentioned to Dallas that there was a semi-psychotic bird somewhere near. He said "There it is in the tree there" when my eye found where he was pointing I saw a little Robin. I walked over and saw something peculiar was going on with the bird. It was not sitting atop the branch but underneath. The closer I got I realized the bird was not sitting at all, but rather she was *hanging by none other than her precious string. Our little friend had fought her fight and battled and waged until she got what she wanted. Now the very thing she so desperately wanted had hung her. I called to Dallas and soon our own little rescue mission was on. We managed to get her down with Dallas's weight to pull down the branch and a rake for me to get her out we were able to untangle our poor sweet scared friend. She was terrified of course but she was visibly shaken and thirsty. As Dallas untangled her leg I was awe struck. How did a string manage to knot several times around a Robin's leg and tie her to a branch so she couldn't fly or even get upright again? As we freed her and watched her get her land legs again she sat a moment then flew away. I still see her days later, she hobbles around the yard content to gather the things she should. No grandiose dreams of a twenty foot worm. She is perfectly happy to dig for her food once again. Why do we as children of God try to force our agendas on our heavenly Father? God does not conform to our plans but we to his. Unfortunately, I see myself in that little bird sometimes. I get impatient and think I know how things should work or how they will be. *I know how to fix things so well (this is completely sarcastic for the record ;] ) I end up getting ahead of the things God has for me and miss the things I should be learning. I try to get to large when God is trying to teach me peace and contentment. I jump over what He wants and force my own way and in the process hang myself with the very thing I thought I wanted. The few people closest to me will prolly know what one of the desires of my heart is. I'm praying for patience on so many levels and I'm feeling a real peace about it. Not only the one desire but so many things. The Lord knows my heart and has everything laid out in his perfect will and time. It's hard sometimes to be patient. I know I could run out and fix a few things myself, get the string free if you will, but I can also see how certain aspects of me aren't ready for the progression quite yet. I know that God knows as well, he knows every step I take and every thought in my heart. It's wonderful to know that everything is ordered of the Lord. Maybe I'm not going to have the twenty foot worm just yet, maybe I'm supposed to be content with my seed mix for now. The God who has led me and cared for me and given me such a wonderful life is still my God now. He loves me so much more than I can ever imagine and he even has his eye on my little Robin friend. I can hear her song just about everyday and she will always remind me to wait on the Lord. What a wonderful God we serve. Thank you Lord for your provisions and love. Thank you for your guidance and merciful lessons to us. You know what I need to learn even when I don't realize I'm lacking. Please help me to realize You are always in control and my path is best walked when walked by your side. I love you Lord.

To be successful, you must decide exactly what you want to accomplish, then resolve to pay the price to get it.
Bunker Hunt

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Questions and Ponderings

Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.
Dr. Seuss

Well, we've all heard the saying be careful what you wish for it just might come true? As the few people who read this blog know I've been praying about the girls who live next door the younger one more specifically. I've come to call her Lil' Creepy because of her bad habit of peeking in any open window and just walking through any open door whenever she pleases. Lil' Creepy is becoming more and more of a fixture at our house. Her recent addition to my duties is dropping her silverware off in my sink for me to wash for her. I find this habit particularly annoying because I don't have a dish washer so any amount if extra dishes bugs me, especially when I or Dallas haven't eaten off it and the meal eaten with said utensil was supposed to be a semi date night. However, I digress :) This Saturday, Lil' Creepy was asking quite a few questions, some questions that I do not quite know how to answer. The questions are a little more tricky than I know how to answer because of her family life. They started out pretty simple Q1. "Why do you hang out with me so much?" A1. "Well, you're a nice kid, why wouldn't I hang out with you?" she then says "Because you're not even my mom and she hates me!" "I'm sure she doesn't hate you!" "Yeah she does, she said she does, to my face!" We had a conversation about that for a little while. She seems to have so many questions about everything in life, I really like how it makes me think. I have so much more freedom in answering her in a way because she doesn't ask from a point of view or in a combative way. She genuinely wants to know why or what is the reason I do things the way I do. She is seeking answers from one of the few adults in her life. Her paternal grandparents are in Canada where her dad is originally from and they don't have much contact with their maternal grandparents. They don't attend church except for a youth thing every Friday evening. Q2. How long did you and Dallas date before he asked you to marry him? A2. Well, um, it was one month before we decided we wanted to get married. And I got my ring the Monday before we got married." Q3."Whoa, whoa, whoa! What did you say!? Are you serious!?" A3. "Yes, I'm dead serious!" "Man, I wish that would happen to me." "You will have plenty of time for that when you're a little older. You really have a lot of other things that you need to be focusing on right now." and the conversation about life goals at the age of thirteen ensued. Q4. "How did you know that you wanted to marry Dallas?" A4. "When we first met I loved his smile, I met him at my church during a revival so I knew he had the same beliefs as me, when we actually went out he was a true gentleman, and most importantly we talked about *everything!" then we talked about this for a little while. Q5. "Do you ever cuss?" (Lil' Creepy tends to have a colourful vocabulary which she now mutters under her breath after I have had to warn her about said vocabulary. Oy vey!) A5. "No, I don't I have a large enough vocabulary I *do *not cuss and you shouldn't either. It's not a very lady like thing to do." "But, don't you ever like hurt yourself and just say it? I know you do!" "No, I don't. You hand out with me a lot, have you ever heard me?" "Well...No." Then she sat the quietly with a bewildered look on her face for a few minutes. I could tell she was thinking about what her next move would be. Which turns out, she decided on some more questions :) Q6. "Do you ever drink?" "Drink what? You mean alcohol?" "Yeah, like vodka?" A6. "No! We don't drink alcohol." "Why not?" "Because I'm a Christian, I'm saved and as a Christian I don't drink alcohol." "Have you ever drank?" "No, nor have I ever wanted to." "Never!? Never Ever!?" "No, never." there were some other questions regarding husband and wife relations and I just couldn't even believe it, I was like "You are thirteen years old! You do not even need to be concerned about these kinds of things yet!" She got a little giggly and I was shocked, speechless almost that that was on her mind. I wasn't even thinking about that at her age, the idea of even holding hands with some boy I found cute would have reduced me to a blushing mess! The part that concerns me the most is she has a boy that she "likes" and he "likes" and they are "going out". The fact that she's thinking about that and has a boyfriend that is fifteen worries me to no end. So, needless to say I have been wondering lately if I should rat her out to her mom. I mean, honestly if I was a mom I would want to know if my young daughter was talking to another woman about these things, to know what was going through her mind. Yet, I don't want her to not confide in me because I may be the only christian influence in her life. It's weird for me because her mom and dad aren't married and have lived together for nine years or so, they curse (not profusely but they do), and she said her dad drinks vodka (once again not often but they know he does every now and then). I'm not sure how I as a christian should handle the talks we're having without sounding like I'm bad mouthing her parents. I don't believe in sex before marriage or living together before marriage but her parents are doing both. I don't believe a person should cuss or drink alcohol but her parents do both. I did get to invite her to church with us and she said she wanted to go with us Sunday but they ended up going to the beach with their mom while their dad was fixing their water pump. So, keep praying with me please. I asked God to help me be better at talking to people about him. I know you people who know me don't believe this but I am really shy when meeting people, I don't like to open up at all. I good at getting to know but bad at getting known, if that makes any sense. At church we just celebrated our pastors thirty-third anniversary, it was so much fun. Then Monday we went out to their house on Deal Island and it was so fun! It has a great lot with tons of trees and shrubs, right down the road from a dock for fishing, only a few minutes away from another beach that has all kinds of shells and sea glass that washes up daily. We walked the beach and came home with a bad full of glass! The best part was that I found a piece of pottery from a dish that had been dumped out at sea that had painting on it, an old 1800's pottery piece! I was thrilled to say the least :) Last night there was planning session for our ladies meeting in May which was also a blast. We had less ladies but it was such fun to sit a chit chat and plan for the get together. We're going to be having quite a few other churches come to this and we'll have three lady speakers and two other ladies and I will sing specials (I'm prolly gonna die) And we'll be serving breakfast and lunch. Fortunately I went with Mrs. Gina to the Sword of the Lord Ladies meeting in NJ in September of last year and it was a blast so I kind of know what is expected. I am bringing bagels, cream cheese, and juice for the breakfast and I'm in charge of decorating two tables for the lunch. Let me tell you, these are loooong tables! The theme of the lunch is Southern Hospitali "Tea". I know, I know, it's super funny to think of Maryland as being in the south but we are still south of the Mason-Dixon line! I'm still officially a southern girl! I figure I'm going to find some old hats and try to find some old gloves and some beads that look like pearls to put on my table :) I can't wait, apart from the nervous tummy from having to sing in front of a bunch of ladies who prolly sing a lot better than me the whole day sounds like it will be just such a blessing. I look forward to the other meetings and continuing to get to know my church ladies and being active in our church. That's all for now gals so please keep me in your prayers, I love you all :-*

You know children are growing up when they start asking questions that have answers.
John J. Plomp

Friday, March 26, 2010

Two Ways To Live Your Life

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
Albert Einstein.

Long time no write :) My apologies. So, not that much has gone on yet so much has happened I don't know where to begin. I've been doing a lot of thinking and don't quite know what to write. I suppose the best course of action would be to continue ruminating on the thoughts and ideas swirling in my head at the present moment, a rush to write would only irritate me later at the thoughts I should have elaborated on and didn't. We've had a lot of small blessings and a few large blessings as well. I've been getting to know the neighbors, some in a less friendly more aggravating way ;) The house is down to just the kitchen, the cabinets are on order and then we'll get moving on the rest of it. Spring has sprung... or so we thought. This morning at 6am it was 55 degrees, as I write this at 6pm it is 43 degrees. SO wrong and SO many levels, especially when I think how just two days ago I was wearing a thin cotton sun dress and flip flops. My absolute favouritest of outfits. I waited all winter to wear my comfy sundresses and not need to bundle up and the evil Maryland took it away :) Ha ha, we're learning more and more about the area, there's a Humane Society right in our back yard (practically) and Dallas and I have decided to go there on his days off and late days in. They allow you to take the cats out and play with them and hold them, they also allow you to walk the dogs! It was a heart breaking trip. I've always avoided pounds because anyone who knows me knows I cry like a little baby when I watch sad animal movies :) I cried on lady and the tramp every time during the pound scene. I'm sure my poor husband thought I'd lost my mind when I burst into tears after seeing the dogs barking their hearts out for attention and the little old beagle stick his nose powdered with age through the fence to just stare with his big brown pleading eyes. I swear I would've taken him home in a heartbeat. Dallas also got the assurance that no matter how many times Cotton poops on my floor or eats my favourite pair of shoes he will never be sent to the pound. Unfortunately Cottons job security was discovered, I now have no credible threats to make Dallas at least attempt to make Cotton act civilized. More and more though I see the hand of God in our life, even in the things I wasn't necessarily looking for him. From songs to people to flowers and animals. God's all around us all the time but lately it's like he's more visible in everything. Maybe it's the older you get you look for him more or maybe it's just the pure fact that you're older so you just are more alert. It's a wonderful thing to think that God cares so much about us. I know I'm nothing special, I'm not a person who can do anything really but just love Him, tell others about Him, and do my best to live for Him. I guess the hardest part is not living the way *I want to for Him. There are a lot of things that I can do but there are so many more things that I should do. I can live a normal Godly life and make it through life just fine, but, I want my life to affect the people around me. That my life would really point them to God. I have a little neighbor that honestly I'd rather not have to deal with. It sounds harsh but, the child is crazy. She walks in my house whenever she feels like it and won't leave unless I threaten her to not be able to come back the next day at all. She's extremely hyper active, is extremely prone to breaking things, and stepping on my Dog on the very leg he had to have surgery on :P But, through the whole first two weeks when I just wanted to die every time I saw her coming. Now, one month and a little while in she is learning that Dallas and I aren't crazy young people, she needs to be a little more cooled out. We've had a few pretty deep conversations, I can tell she doesn't really talk to people about a lot of the stuff we've talked about. I'm praying nothing ever comes up that will require a parental alert, her Dad is occupied pretty much all the time and her mom isn't her "real" mom. Her real mom was a drug addict who used while she was pregnant with her which explains a lot about her weird behavior. I'd told Dallas that when we met her the first time that she wasn't ADD there was something really off about her. So, I pray for patience because I want them to come to church with us one day, I want to be the possibly one light in the little girls life. She is always over and never wants to go home, pray with me if you will for God's wisdom in the situation? Thank you Lord for your gifts to us. We don't deserve them yet you love us enough to give them anyway. Help us live life like the miracle it truly is and live gratefully every day in the sunshine or rain of life. I love you Lord.

Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are *(and who God is).
Bernice Johnson Reagon (part in parentheses added by me)

Monday, February 15, 2010

Mutual Weirdness

"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love." Anonymous

Yesterday being Valentines day has made me think. Dallas and I have always been very aware that we are weird people. That was one thing that we noticed right off the bat is how we could be our weird kooky selves when we are together. Every couple has their little inside jokes that they like to do together, their own "things" if you will. We like to enact our favourite scenes from movies together or quote funny sayings we've heard together. Recently with various things making us keep weird hours and therefore restricting/diminishing sleep has made my quirk of saying words wrong (like "long hair" would come out "hong lair") happen a lot more. With anyone else it would be highly embarrassing, with Dallas we just laugh together and make fun of it all day long. Dallas has a bad habit of "Hill Billyin' it up" which is our term for mumbling when he gets tongue tied. His brain often works a great deal quicker than his tongue can keep up with and the things that come out are often ridiculous and highly amusing :) The mutual weirdness is even extending into the house. We are so alike in our design style and colour palate that it is going seamlessly. Dallas confided in me before we actually closed that he thought we would fight all the time about how to do the house. This revelation really bummed me out and made me want to quit and even kind of hope we wouldn't get the house. If it wasn't going to be fun, then why the heck should we buy one? I don't like to argue especially since I'm the wife and he has the ultimate say when we disagree anyways. I tried to console him and assuage his fears by reminding him we'd already picked colours and flooring and that stuff, not too much more to pick and argue over. He was then soothed and sorry he'd bummed me out. We've now started ripping things out, pulling things up, and taking things down. Now we're about to paint and lay down our flooring. The one thing Dallas and I differ on seems to be budget. We have free money from our tax return but, ever the frugal one he's trying to cheap out on me :) I'm going to stick to my guns because if a lady could see my kitchen they'd know I need more cabinet space and a better layout! I've never been so happy to have a non-ice-maker fridge in my life! If the fridge needed a water line I'd be in trouble and the fridge would be a non mover. Since it uses ice trays for ice making we can move it wherever I want it! Thank God! Alright I think I'm ready to face the day! Thank you Lord for bringing me my perfect match. I wouldn't want to do this with anyone else :)

" Two lives, two hearts joined together in friendship united forever in love." Anonymous

Saturday, February 6, 2010

A Country Home

A city man is a home anywhere, for all big cities are much alike. But a country man has a place where he belongs, where he always returns, and where, when the time comes, he is willing to die -

Sunday, January 17, 2010


That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:
Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory:
Receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls. 1 Peter 1:7-9

I've been doing alot of thinking lately on this subject. It seems people are getting more and more negative. It's rare I hear someone say something pleasant. Now, on that very negative opening I introduce my thought topic of the day: Rejoicing. I have always trended toward the sad side of life. I love slow songs and sad songs the kind that make you feel the emotion in the singers heart. I tend to see the negative outcomes, the bad attitude in a post, the silence from a friend (no one in particular just an example). The bad seems to glare at me from everything, I don't know why this is. It seems as a born again Christian I should see the positive and have the happiness and positive side glare at me. It would make sense that that would be the natural, easy thing to do, right? Well, unfortunately it isn't the case with me. I've decided that the next thing to work on in the betterment of my christian life would be to be the positive person. I know God isn't glorified by a negative outlook on things. I want my life to be a reflection of the Lord's working in my heart. I know that a tiger can't change his stripes on a whim, but, this is something that I really feel is something the Lord would have me change about myself. I've known some ladies in my life time that it seems nothing ever brought them down, they were always sweet and had a kind and encouraging word to help the down cast heart. I want to be an encourager in my little circle of friends. There are far too many things to drag our spirits down, who needs a Negative Nelly complaining about everything under the sun? That is where the Lord should step in, remember the song "Are you weary, are you heavy hearted? Tell it to Jesus, tell it to Jesus!" Why do people feel the need to drag down the worlds day and drag them through the mud of their attitude so much? The Lord is the only one who can truly help us in our situations and change our directions in life or at the very least give us peace in the times of our trials. More often than not the thing we complain about is so fleeting there is no need to tell the world about it anyways. It's funny, I noticed this recently somewhere and it made me acutely aware any time I wanted to complain, how completely unnecessary it is to spread discontent. I don't want to get so wrapped up in the now, what I want to change or what I wish was different that I miss actually living in the moment. I don't want to look back on my life when I'm eighty and think "If only I could go back and tell my twenty year old self that my thighs were fine, my situation wasn't bad, I did have friends and family after all! My hair was not that bad, that annoying person is not even near you! Ignore them!". I want to live thankfully now, not look back and be thankful. No matter what happens I'm on my way to heaven to live with God, Family, and Friends for all eternity. What could possibly measure up to that down here? Thank you Lord for everything you've given me, what you have planned for me, and the things you have for me beyond this life. Help me to live in this awareness every day and to be a reflection of your love and grace.

He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

The Initial Impression

Don’t be afraid if things seem difficult in the beginning. That’s only the initial impression. The important thing is not to retreat; you have to master yourself.
~Olga Korbut

Glorious. That would be how I'd describe the beginning of the year 2010. What seemed to be one of the best years and yet most difficult year of my life has now been turned into something that is quite wonderful. I know that my wonderful friends and loving family have been truly praying for me. 2009 ended with the passing of my beloved Uncle and the visiting of my Mother-in-Law (MIL). The visit was a welcome one indeed seeing as my blood relatives are so far away, it was a nice substitute to have MIL here to distract me. There is never a dull moment when she's here you see :) We shopped til we dropped, cooked many delicious meals, and watched all the Jane Austin movies in my collection. MIL had never seen any of these and was an avowed fan after the first and inimitable Jane Austin classic "Pride and Prejudice". What woman is not looking for her very own Mr. Darcy? We looked for things to spruce up our own new little country cottage, then planned on how we'd like our future dream homes. The church services were bitter sweet for our pastor, his own dear mother has passed the week after Christmas. I told him about my own loss and it's bittersweet to have that kind of a knowing look pass between yourself and a friend who can feel your pain so acutely. Then Sunday afternoon we bid adieu to MIL and she was on her way to good 'ol North Caroline. God has been blessing us left and right and we just can't seem to keep up with everything he's doing for us, not a bad way to be if I do say so myself! We hit a snag with some improperly filed taxes from '08 so off we trudged to the IRS seeking some depuzzlement and were sent away with a bad attitude mixed with a dash of defeatedness and longing to work for the national government, the closest thing a person can get to early retirement :D We went to Olive Garden to eat the soup and salad with the money Husbands Granny gave me. Then found a heaven sent Lady at H&R Block who solved our months long battle with the tax man, who not only fixed whatever the problem was but also got us a hefty refund! This morning a two year long prayer was answered by my own personal guardian angel... My Father-in-Law (FIL) :) He sent us a queen size mattress and box spring as our Christmas present! I gasped when I saw the men unloading it from the truck, I never in a million years expected such a grand, amazing, lavish gift! I bought for the first time as a woman (seriously since I was like 14y/o) A matching bed set. It is so beautiful and makes me feel more at home and personalized :) I wish my FIL was here to get a huge kiss on the cheek and strangley hug from an ever grateful DIL. He truly is an amazing man who I am so lucky to know much less be related to. I not only got an amazing husband but amazing in-laws, that's a rare combo I know. So many people ask me "How do you feel about your MIL staying with you!? Are *YOU ok with that!?" and I can honestly answer with a heart felt "I don't mind at all and I look forward to it." I see so many thing that I hope for but never imagine God is bringing to me. This house kind of fell in my lap as my wonderful husband did. It came with no warning and is ours within a months time. How great is our God that even when we don't think to ask for things or are even afraid to ask Him for the secret desires of our heart that he sees into it and will do so much more than we ever could've imagined. This year will be more Faith testing and trials and growing pains to be sure, but, with the Lord on our side fighting every battle, lighting our paths through the darkest of nights, I know we can face anything that comes our way. Lord, help me to trust in you when I am blind and weary. You know what's best for me even when it's painful and I thank You for Your everlasting goodness and unfailing mercies. I could never say thank You enough.