Esto Perpetua (Latin: Let it be forever)

Sunday, January 17, 2010


That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:
Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory:
Receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls. 1 Peter 1:7-9

I've been doing alot of thinking lately on this subject. It seems people are getting more and more negative. It's rare I hear someone say something pleasant. Now, on that very negative opening I introduce my thought topic of the day: Rejoicing. I have always trended toward the sad side of life. I love slow songs and sad songs the kind that make you feel the emotion in the singers heart. I tend to see the negative outcomes, the bad attitude in a post, the silence from a friend (no one in particular just an example). The bad seems to glare at me from everything, I don't know why this is. It seems as a born again Christian I should see the positive and have the happiness and positive side glare at me. It would make sense that that would be the natural, easy thing to do, right? Well, unfortunately it isn't the case with me. I've decided that the next thing to work on in the betterment of my christian life would be to be the positive person. I know God isn't glorified by a negative outlook on things. I want my life to be a reflection of the Lord's working in my heart. I know that a tiger can't change his stripes on a whim, but, this is something that I really feel is something the Lord would have me change about myself. I've known some ladies in my life time that it seems nothing ever brought them down, they were always sweet and had a kind and encouraging word to help the down cast heart. I want to be an encourager in my little circle of friends. There are far too many things to drag our spirits down, who needs a Negative Nelly complaining about everything under the sun? That is where the Lord should step in, remember the song "Are you weary, are you heavy hearted? Tell it to Jesus, tell it to Jesus!" Why do people feel the need to drag down the worlds day and drag them through the mud of their attitude so much? The Lord is the only one who can truly help us in our situations and change our directions in life or at the very least give us peace in the times of our trials. More often than not the thing we complain about is so fleeting there is no need to tell the world about it anyways. It's funny, I noticed this recently somewhere and it made me acutely aware any time I wanted to complain, how completely unnecessary it is to spread discontent. I don't want to get so wrapped up in the now, what I want to change or what I wish was different that I miss actually living in the moment. I don't want to look back on my life when I'm eighty and think "If only I could go back and tell my twenty year old self that my thighs were fine, my situation wasn't bad, I did have friends and family after all! My hair was not that bad, that annoying person is not even near you! Ignore them!". I want to live thankfully now, not look back and be thankful. No matter what happens I'm on my way to heaven to live with God, Family, and Friends for all eternity. What could possibly measure up to that down here? Thank you Lord for everything you've given me, what you have planned for me, and the things you have for me beyond this life. Help me to live in this awareness every day and to be a reflection of your love and grace.

He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

The Initial Impression

Don’t be afraid if things seem difficult in the beginning. That’s only the initial impression. The important thing is not to retreat; you have to master yourself.
~Olga Korbut

Glorious. That would be how I'd describe the beginning of the year 2010. What seemed to be one of the best years and yet most difficult year of my life has now been turned into something that is quite wonderful. I know that my wonderful friends and loving family have been truly praying for me. 2009 ended with the passing of my beloved Uncle and the visiting of my Mother-in-Law (MIL). The visit was a welcome one indeed seeing as my blood relatives are so far away, it was a nice substitute to have MIL here to distract me. There is never a dull moment when she's here you see :) We shopped til we dropped, cooked many delicious meals, and watched all the Jane Austin movies in my collection. MIL had never seen any of these and was an avowed fan after the first and inimitable Jane Austin classic "Pride and Prejudice". What woman is not looking for her very own Mr. Darcy? We looked for things to spruce up our own new little country cottage, then planned on how we'd like our future dream homes. The church services were bitter sweet for our pastor, his own dear mother has passed the week after Christmas. I told him about my own loss and it's bittersweet to have that kind of a knowing look pass between yourself and a friend who can feel your pain so acutely. Then Sunday afternoon we bid adieu to MIL and she was on her way to good 'ol North Caroline. God has been blessing us left and right and we just can't seem to keep up with everything he's doing for us, not a bad way to be if I do say so myself! We hit a snag with some improperly filed taxes from '08 so off we trudged to the IRS seeking some depuzzlement and were sent away with a bad attitude mixed with a dash of defeatedness and longing to work for the national government, the closest thing a person can get to early retirement :D We went to Olive Garden to eat the soup and salad with the money Husbands Granny gave me. Then found a heaven sent Lady at H&R Block who solved our months long battle with the tax man, who not only fixed whatever the problem was but also got us a hefty refund! This morning a two year long prayer was answered by my own personal guardian angel... My Father-in-Law (FIL) :) He sent us a queen size mattress and box spring as our Christmas present! I gasped when I saw the men unloading it from the truck, I never in a million years expected such a grand, amazing, lavish gift! I bought for the first time as a woman (seriously since I was like 14y/o) A matching bed set. It is so beautiful and makes me feel more at home and personalized :) I wish my FIL was here to get a huge kiss on the cheek and strangley hug from an ever grateful DIL. He truly is an amazing man who I am so lucky to know much less be related to. I not only got an amazing husband but amazing in-laws, that's a rare combo I know. So many people ask me "How do you feel about your MIL staying with you!? Are *YOU ok with that!?" and I can honestly answer with a heart felt "I don't mind at all and I look forward to it." I see so many thing that I hope for but never imagine God is bringing to me. This house kind of fell in my lap as my wonderful husband did. It came with no warning and is ours within a months time. How great is our God that even when we don't think to ask for things or are even afraid to ask Him for the secret desires of our heart that he sees into it and will do so much more than we ever could've imagined. This year will be more Faith testing and trials and growing pains to be sure, but, with the Lord on our side fighting every battle, lighting our paths through the darkest of nights, I know we can face anything that comes our way. Lord, help me to trust in you when I am blind and weary. You know what's best for me even when it's painful and I thank You for Your everlasting goodness and unfailing mercies. I could never say thank You enough.