Esto Perpetua (Latin: Let it be forever)

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

There's a monster in my house!

"A Baby is an inestimable blessing and a bother"
Mark Twain
What a day! Good grief, what a FEW days. So, I think Charlotte is teething but then again I've been thinking that for like two whole months, so I really don't know what to think :( These last few days she has pretty much cried non-stop with me and when I say cry I mean cuh-ry and with a lot of screaming, like horror movie screaming, thrown in. Of course this all falls on the days that Dallas has long work days so I'm left with the demon child all alone for extended periods of time. It was so bad coming home from the ladies meeting (that I shouldn't have even gone too, stupid me!!) that my heart was racing til about half an hour after she'd finally fallen asleep. She screamed all the way home from church, while I was holding her unloading the car, while I changed her diaper and into her pajamas, and through her bottle. She also screamed quite a bit while she was fighting going to sleep which was what she really needed most. Then to add insult to injury she hasn't been sleeping well either. So, I've been dealing with the most unhappy baby on the planet while also not being able to get more than 2-3 solid hours of sleep for the last 4 days. Part of the lack of sleep is my wonderful husbands fault. He's not the best bed sharer sometimes. I've been feeling mself slowly turning into a troll and I've been praying hard that God will help me controll myself. However, I've noticed the slow slide into sleep deprived insanity has begun. I try to comfort myself with the fact that this phase won't last long either. She's obviously not feeling good so I just take a deep breath about every 10-15min and try something new to pacify the monster. As much as I really should be wistfully remembering the days that I could have run away to work and left the screamer behind for someone else to care for, that is the one thing I am most glad I don't have to do. I am so thankful that I am the one taking all the screaming and rabid hair pulling and kicks to the hand while trying to change her diaper. I'd bawl my eyes out trying to hand her over to someone else to love and mother her when that's what I should be doing, I'm so grateful that I am the recipient of the torture because I know that she's building a bond with me and she'll know that I'm the one who loves her and will comfort and care for her no matter what. Besides, in this place, I highly doubt that I'd be able to find someone that wouldn't just sit her in a bed and let her rip. I'm glad that I can take her out and swing her and rock her or whatever to try and make her feel better. Ah, I feel so much better after letting that out. I hope this doesn't make me a bad mommy, complaining about my baby, but, I'm sorry that's what's going on and for a whole month and a half I've had her all by myself, no dates or baby breaks other than an hour at church on sunday morning and night. I still love her more than anything and soon she should return to her mostly happy gleeful self :) I know if I could just get a good nights sleep everything would seem easier :) Anyways, I've been wanting to lose some weight and I've taken the plunge and ordered the Atkins Diet book. My sister sings it's praises so I figure I'll read it and hopefull be able to start it next week and get this sugar monster out of my system. I've been really really bad with my eating habits lately and I hate myself for it! Ugh! Lot's of self loathing lately, but, on the plus side it's less than two months before I get to escape to FL! Ah, sweet sweet Fl! I have been dying to just be in my mother's presence! It will make me feel so much better to be around my family again. But, I seem to have hit a wall in my writing mind and will prolly go try to lay down and rest for a bit :) Talk to ya'll later!


  1. Your not a bad mommy! Just keep telling yourself it wont last forever. You will have that sweet baby back in a good mood soon enough :) God will get you through it!

  2. I love that little girl...even when she's a monster :)