Esto Perpetua (Latin: Let it be forever)

What a time in life. I never wanted to grow up, my Mom called it Peter-Panitis. I just knew growing up meant making all the hard adult decisions. While some decisions are fun like picking out your husband, others aren't quite so fun like where to take a new job which will require moving away. Where do you move and how far away? Are you ready for this? Babies, how does anyone ever know if they're ready for the responsibility of that human life? Sometimes I feel like I can't even decide on what to make for dinner and we're deciding to buy a house. A house, this decision will require a commitment of at least two years in our current state of Maryland. Beautiful state but entirely too far from Family and neither I or Husband want to make that kind of commitment to good 'ol Mary. The Peter Pan that's left in me want's to ignore the elephant in the room but the grown-up-married-lady in me want's to get a move on in this area and decorate and remodel and finally stake a claim on a place of our own. Exciting as it is the thought of being here more than one year as originally planned is unpleasant to think of. Along with the new decisions God has brought to us new friends. One of the most pleasant "new" things in the melting pot of new, the least threatening in my mind at least. Why I'm so reticent to meet change I don't know, it is always magnified as more painful in my mind so much more than it ever really is in actuality. Prayer and Faith are what I've noticed, in particular, that God has really been growing and pointing out to me. The growing process is painful but exhilarating at the same time, every time I worry myself to near frenzy it's like God turns and pats my head and says "See that wasn't bad at all. I've got you right where I want you, completely dependent on me." When things are beyond my control they are the most in his control. When I can't meddle He's working His will and having His way. When viewing the "New Things" from this perspective I realize they really aren't new at all. God has never left me alone to solve any problem that's ever appeared. He's always been in the lead taking me down life's journey. That is the most comforting thing of all. Reflecting back on life I think on the times that are so hard and the times that are so wonderful and amazing. Do I want the good times to last forever? No, not any more than one would wish that the bad times would last forever. The point of our lives on this earth are to serve the Lord and live for His glory, the "New Things" we go through, good and bad, all teach us invaluable lessons. As uncomfortable as some of the lessons are I love to learn new things about God and His love for me, new things about my own character, and new things about my husband and our relationship together. How could I ask for more than a loving God who is with me every step of the way? In these thoughts I know that while Esto Perpetua may not be the prayer of my heart I hope that my heart stays in the will of the Lord and He keeps me wanting to learn his ways forever.