Esto Perpetua (Latin: Let it be forever)

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


"If you understand, things are just as they are; if you do not understand, things are just as they are." -- Zen proverb
So, we've got the house as long as the financing comes through with our mortgage company. Our agent says he sees no reason that we should have an unforeseen problem. Everyone else however says that surely something is going to arise that will delay the closing. I myself have found the labyrinth that is real estate/first time home buying a nightmare I do not wish to dream ever again. However when the time arises and we leave MD we surely will need to purchase another home. This is another time when the oft lauded virtues known as faith and patience come into play. My wise mother is there to remind me to keep praying and turn it over to God. This statement is true yet my subconscious tells me to pray for the best and be prepared for the worst. Husband seems to agree with this logic and therefore I continue to try to keep all of the ducks in the row and forge ahead somewhat blindly, all the while learning a new lesson at every turn. I was musing on how this is such a great conversational piece when meeting a new acquaintance, it seems everyone can relate and commiserate with us on this issue. When I was a child and teenager I frequently felt at a loss at what I could use to talk to people about, it seemed I was always doing the same old same old. As I matured and met Mr. Right, married, moved, moved yet again, attempt to purchase a house I realized this difficult/exciting/new phase in our transition to adulthood is what we'll talk about with new friends and far away family. For the rest of our lives this will be in our collective little black book of conversational pieces. Then when we add children, our moves, travels, etc. these will all weave into the fabric of the story of our life. Then when we're older we'll tell it for the millionth time never realizing we've told it that many times as our grandkids listen inwardly rolling their eyes at the same old story. It's a cyclical thing really, we start out not having a story then venture wide eyed and willing to forge that story and suddenly we feel afraid to really dig in and lead that life we've always wanted. We have the tools in God and His word, but, somehow it doesn't feel quite enough sometimes. We live through faith and trust that God will lead us and take us through life where he wants us to go. Then as we age it seems after the kids and grandkids, the traveling, the real nitty gritty is over we're rehashing the old glory days. No more story's of what I did today, the stories are all from back when. It's a return to the beginning in many ways, and, quite an amazing thing to me. I don't know that I can ever understand why it is this way. We know that it is a confusing life and just to trust God and to let it go and live in His perfect will but try to find a way to fit the complicated master plan of His into our smaller view. I may never understand the pathway God has put me on but isn't some of the fun in life the new and unexpected? We were never promised the beautiful golden road, sometimes the stony shadowed road is the path we're meant to be on. It's all meant to make us a stronger more faithful christian even though it hurts us. God will bring us out into that wide open clear path again sometime. We'll understand it all one day even if we don't see it now. Thank you Lord for your guidance. Help me to remember that in the days ahead.


  1. You've got me thinking that I missed the boat by not keeping some sort of a diary. Here we are 25 years later and it is a BLUR! Time passes so very quickly and the details just fade away. I am astounded sometimes when I do remember things and wonder how on earth I could have forgotten! Of course I am also thankful for much I have forgotten too. ;)

  2. I thank the Lord for memories (some good and some bad). I also thank him for old friends because they help us to remember the past, and hold it dear to our hearts. It is exciting to see God working in your life Amber, and to see that even though we don't plan certain things to happen in our lives God is obviously working. :)
    Luv ya!