Esto Perpetua (Latin: Let it be forever)

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Changes Every Day

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France

If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies. ~Author Unknown

I was getting ready for work on Monday and as I finished applying my make up I looked in the mirror and thought "I look like a Mom." Not in a "I'm dressed too frumpy or have bad hair" way but just older and mature. It's funny because lately it seems every other day something new is popping up. Then yesterday it seemed as if all of a sudden I have a baby bump. A real one, not the "is it a pooch or is that maybe a baby in there?" kind but a real honest to goodness baby bump and it was a happy moment. I've been dying for this moment to arrive where I don't feel merely fat but I feel like I look pregnant. Dallas noticed and all the girls at work brought it up too. It's so scary that as of this Friday I'm officially half way done. I can't wait to meet my little girl but I really dread the getting her here part. I've always been afraid of it. Sometimes watching A Baby Story is helpful but other times it fills me with fear :) It's like a car wreck you can't help but look even if you've covered your eyes you still peek through just a little to see. It gives me a little comfort to familiarize myself with the process. I never realized that the first kid will take almost all day to get out... *gulp! So, whatever, the more I know the better I'll feel when the time comes. I'd rather know and be nervous than to have no idea and freak at every little thing like when we knew I was pregnant but didn't know how far along we were. It was like living in slow motion, the fear of doing something wrong that would compromise the little life inside that we didn't want to do much of anything but stay put and go to work/church. :) I'm so grateful to have this experience though, every little punch she gives me reminds me of the angel that's coming. I love the idea of Dallas and his little girl. There couldn't be a prouder Daddy at this time and he's being really amazing at helping around the house and handling the more delicate situations I won't go too in detail on here. But, he's exactly the man I need and I am so blessed to have a husband who not only loves me but is willing to do things that I can't really figure out how to do on my own and supports me. So, all that being said, Happy 25th Birthday to me tomorrow! :) I'm still excited even if Dallas has to work and I'll be here alone most of the day. See ya'll on the 25 side!

Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed. ~Irene Peter

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

One Of The Most Beautiful Miracles In Life

A baby girl...one of the most beautiful miracles in life, one of the greatest joys we can ever know, and one of the reasons why there is a little extra sunshine, laughter and happiness in your world today.
-- Author Unknown

A daughter is a bundle of firsts that excite and delight, giggles that come from deep inside and are always contagious, everything wonderful and precious and your love for her knows no bounds.
-- Barbara Cage


The mystery is solved, we're having a little girl :) I can't explain why but I have such a warm feeling thinking about having a little girl. I would have loved having a boy as well, but, I've always seen myself as starting the family with a girl first. Even though my older sister and I always wanted a big brother until we realized since we already existed a big brother was impossible, therefore we decided the rest of our siblings should be girls. We got our wish too! (Sorry Dad!) Once again when we got in the room for the ultra sound we were so nervous and excited, the anticipation was killing us because we had to wait all day to find out. When we entered the room and I lay on the table, the technician asked if we had any preferences either way, and we could honestly say no. I'd been afraid that Baby would have the legs crossed and keep the gender a secret. Sure enough she did! So, the lady took measurements of all the things she needed to and all of a sudden Baby started kicking and punching :) And then the big reveal, She's a Girl! I was so thrilled and kind of shocked, I'd begun to adjust to the thought of having a boy, still terrified of the dangers that boys get into but, adjusting none the less. Dallas got this huge smile on his face and he said "Wow" that's it :) Wow. Ha ha, he was so happy because all along he's referred to the baby as "she" and "her". I think he's also a little nervous because like me and a boy, he doesn't have any experience with girls. He loves little girls, he thinks they're so sweet and innocent. He's always loved my little sisters too, he just thinks Abi can do no wrong :) I tell him stories that I remember of my little sisters and my Dad, how every night before bed time they'd climb into his lap and fall asleep cuddled against his chest. I can't wait to see him as a dad, he's so sweet and loving, he thinks he can be Mr. Stern but he already says "My girls" and puts his hand on m tummy even though I'm not really showing too much and we can't feel her kick yet. He's so in love with the little girl inside that I can already see I'm going to be in trouble when she's on the outside :) He talks about how kids need to cry it out to learn to sleep through the night and while I know eventually that point comes, I also know he will be saying "Please can we get her!? She's so sad!!" He can't handle Cotton crying in his kennel so imagine him trying to deny his little baby girl when she is crying at night :) Right, like that's gonna happen. I'm excited as well because now we can plan on definitely setting up the nursery a certain way. I can't wait this will make my MS worth it, but, my wallet is already feeling the squeeze for all the stuff we need just to get the bedroom set up not to mention all the other things that babies require for everything else. So, I'm going to be done for now, I'll keep ya'll updated as the nursery comes along :)


She will fill our lives with sunshine... And our hearts with love.
-- Author Unknown

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Silent Unspeakable Memories

What greater thing is there for human souls than to feel that they are joined for life - to be with each other in silent unspeakable memories. ~George Eliot

The happiness of the domestic fireside is the first boon of Heaven; and it is well it is so, since it is that which is the lot of the mass of mankind. ~Thomas Jefferson, 1813


The funny thing about being pregnant is how often Dallas & I find ourselves wondering what our baby will look like and what Baby Keever will act like. We think back on our different experiences in childhood and laugh and (with his) shudder. Will Baby Keever be a quiet Baby or will she be a noisy talker? Will she respect authority like I did and be a good child or will she be defiant and take all the screws out of furniture when she's put in a separate room because the teacher had to take her out of class because she was heckling her at seven years old? Will she be happy and content to play outside with her drawing things and pretend dog or will she destroy our car with a baseball bat and booby trap our friends cars to pass the time? Will she accept her spankings when she's been bad or will she cut up all of her daddy's belts and hide them in her closet so she can avoid being spanked? Will she clean the fish tank since it's her chore for the week or will she break the fish tank... three times? Will she be a sweet good natured child or a wild crazy tormentor of the siblings to come yet secretly value them as best friends? All these examples are true real life examples of Dallas, yes, I do not exaggerate one bit. I shudder when I hear stories of my husbands childhood, he was so boyish and just I don't know how to put it into words. He says the things that he and his brother did as a boy just popped into their heads and they did it. No explanation. No reason. It was just something to do! God only knows what he would have been like had he not been saved when he was 15. Thinking about childhood is so funny to me, I remember how I just did not like Kara. I didn't care for her one bit, but, let anyone else pick on her they faced the wrath of Amber. Then sometime around my teenage years I really liked Kara. Now she's definitely one of m favourite people in the universe. The funny thing is as different as our childhoods were, now we're the same person. It's so crazy how often we're thinking the same thing at the same time. We will literally say the same sentence at the same time. It's funny how people grow up and become different people yet at the same time we're those people we were all those years ago. I still see that mean pesterer pop out every now and then and have to remind my husband he is just that and I'm not his little sister :) I'm still perfectly fine to stay with my drawing stuff and be home. I can't wait to meet Baby Keever and teach her all the things she should know and experience things for her first time along with her. To hear her belly laugh at something and watch her sleep peacefully on her proud daddy's chest, all the things that make life worth living and make life worth living. I love Dallas more than words could ever express. I wake up in the morning and watch him sleep and I still can't believe I got to marry him, I can't fathom how much we're both going to love our baby. It's so amazing and I can't wait to see Dallas as a Dad. Wow. Anyways we have a doctors appointment tomorrow so I don't know what's going to happen but, that's what up.



And thank you for a house full of people I love. Amen. ~Terri Guillemets

Saturday, September 4, 2010

An Inestimable Blessing and Bother

If one feels the need of something grand, something infinite, something that makes one feel aware of God, one need not go far to find it. I think that I see something deeper, more infinite, more eternal than the ocean in the expression of the eyes of a little baby when it wakes in the morning and coos or laughs because it sees the sun shining on its cradle.
Vincent Van Gogh

A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother.
Mark Twain

So Dallas and I learned yesterday that we are *exactly 10 weeks along. It's amazing what is happening and you don't really know. It really stinks to be pregnant. I'd always wanted to be the cute little pregnant girl with perfect glowy clear skin and the tiny little belly that was only apparent from the side. Of course I knew these were high and very lofty goals reserved for the select few but a girl can dream right? Anyhow the ridiculousness that is morning sickness besieges me morning afternoon and evening so I really don't get why they call it morning sickness. I've only thrown up twice but I seem to feel nauseous all the time and that is something I've always hated with a passion. To top it off my clothes are getting pretty uncomfortable only around the waist and I'm freaking out about the fact that 7mo from now I'll be in agony getting the baby out and into the world. Then came yesterday. For about twenty minutes Dallas and I were watching our little miracle floating and swimming and kicking inside *MY stomach. It was surreal, I almost expected there to not be anything on the monitor but there Baby was. The look on Dallas's face was beyond words, he was so happy, excited, and proud all rolled into one nervous man. As I lay there holding his hand and watching that screen the loss of my lucky charm breakfast not even two hours prior faded away and the nausea disappeared. I was no longer nervous but rather felt happier than, well, prolly since the day I became Mrs. Amber Keever. It's such a terrifying prospect to me. That we will have the responsibility of raising a baby that will one day be a real person like us. The possibilities are endless for how a person can turn out. I know God brought me the perfect and only man for me and gave us this baby, he obviously trusts us to do whats right and raise this child for his honor and glory. I just pray we can raise a child worthy of Him. I know I really don't have too much to worry about because I have the Lord and His word to help guide me through the tough times, and a husband who couldn't be happier or more eager to please and ready to grow a child :) Dallas is so happy he doesn't even care if it's a boy or girl. I think he's secretly hoping for a little girl like me, but either way we're so elated to be having a baby no matter what the sex is. Anyways, I'll be posting again after the next appointment which is who knows when. They still need to call to schedule my next one. Super annoying! Until then I love you all and hope you're all doing well. Please keep us in your prayers :)


If nature had arranged that husbands and wives should have children alternatively, there would never be more than three in a family.
Lawrence Housman

Thursday, August 12, 2010

A Common Craving

By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant. ~Phyllis Diller

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~Elizabeth Stone


So Here it is: We're having a baby :) It's weird. I know of a lot of other people who are also pregnant right now. I just can't believe it's me now. The secret is that we've been trying for a year and a half and it's not happened. This time I wasn't expecting to get a positive test either but for some reason God's decided that this is our time to start our little family :) As far as it goes, there were a few reasons to suspect that I was possibly pregnant but I still didn't believe it. So far it's been good, the morning sickness is a doozy. Completely horrible and gross, I'm hoping to find out how far along I am and that it will be over soon :) So that's all I got for ya'll right now. My appointment is on August 30 and I have an ultra sound scheduled for Sept. 3. Ok, gotta run to work!

A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on. ~Carl Sandburg

Thursday, July 1, 2010

One more time...

"Prayer is when you talk to God; meditation is when you listen to God."
Diana Robinson

We just finished our Revival this last Sunday at church. What a great time in the Lord. Our visiting Evangelist was a man named Dan Toney. He played the guitar and sang very very well. Reminded me of an old western cowboy, so soothing and calm. All of the messages were so incredible but this one in particular hit home. It was on prayer and patience. He didn't preach so much on patience but praying always goes hand in hand with patience as well as faith. In the message he said "Who knows what God will do if but pray one more time." When he said it, he didn't phrase it as a question for us to ponder. It was a statement. Bro. Dan was saying keep on praying. Never give up until God says no. Just because God doesn't answer yet doesn't mean he's saying no. Maybe he's trying to teach us something. Maybe it's a trial of our faith and belief that he can do anything. That God is going to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think. I was struck by this statement even though I pray on even when I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes it feels a tad robotic to pray the same thing over and over again. I tell myself to just do it, the prayer is prayed and I fell like it's done but what did it accomplish? To hear it spoken so literally and so heart felt and believed by a man who had lived the christian life preaching God's word and living by faith longer than I've been on this green earth and see the tears well up in his blue eyes made me so happy to know I serve a God who loves me and wants the best for me. I need to keep the faith and live for the God of heaven who loves me so much and saved me from a death that I truly deserve. How can I doubt him? He's been with me every moment of my life and it's more apparent every moment I live that He is ordering my steps. When I was in kindergarten I sang a song called "In His Time" and I don't know why but I have remembered it ever since. I feel as if I'm living that very song right now. Many of the things in my heart I pray for daily haven't come to pass yet but in His time they will be a blessing that I'll know God brought specifically for me. The thoughts of what God is going to do for me makes me so excited and anxious even. What more could we ask for in life than for a best friend and guide who we can depend on 100% of the time, who will never let us down, who will never leave us or forsake us? I'm so grateful for our God. Let me close this out by reminding everyone to remember to pray for our troops this weekend. It's through their sacrifice that we get to celebrate our independence. I included a prayer by a great American hero. Let's keep praying, even for the things we've not seen yet. God loves us so much. Isn't that the most incredible mystery?

“I have had prayers answered - most strangely so sometimes - but I think our heavenly Father's loving-kindness has been even more evident in what He has refused me.”


Lewis Carroll


“God of our fathers, who by land and sea have ever lead us to victory, please continue your inspiring guidance in this the greatest of all conflicts. Strengthen my soul so that the weakening instinct of self-preservation, which besets all of us in battle, shall not blind me to my duty to my own manhood, to the glory of my calling, and to my responsibility to my fellow soldiers. Grant to our armed forces that disciplined valor and mutual confidence which insures success in war. Let me not mourn for the men who have died fighting, but rather let me be glad that such heroes have lived. If it be my lot to die, let me do so with courage and honor in a manner which will bring the greatest harm to the enemy, and please, oh Lord, protect and guide those I shall leave behind. Give us the victory, Lord.”
General George S. Patton

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Be Careful What You Wish For...

Be Careful What You Wish For You Just Might Get It....
Proverb


I've been thinking lately with all the new things surrounding me. New job, new kitchen, new prayers, new desires. Everything and anything I can think of has been thought. Fortunately God has brought one of my ruminations to life before my very disbelieving eyes. It was a moment of God reaching down quite literally and showing me something He wanted me to see. The other day, Dallas and I saw a little Robin fighting with all her heart to get a string from a garden. The string was wrapped very well in the garden as a plant tie. We watched the Robin fight with her whole heart for about twenty minutes and giggled at her folly. Surely she would realize she'd never win the battle, give up, and fly away to a more profitable venture such as the feeder sitting in the backyard. The day turned to evening which turned to the next day. As Dallas and I were outside cleaning up the yard I kept hearing a rustle in the tree. I couldn't figure out what was going on. I mentioned to Dallas that there was a semi-psychotic bird somewhere near. He said "There it is in the tree there" when my eye found where he was pointing I saw a little Robin. I walked over and saw something peculiar was going on with the bird. It was not sitting atop the branch but underneath. The closer I got I realized the bird was not sitting at all, but rather she was *hanging by none other than her precious string. Our little friend had fought her fight and battled and waged until she got what she wanted. Now the very thing she so desperately wanted had hung her. I called to Dallas and soon our own little rescue mission was on. We managed to get her down with Dallas's weight to pull down the branch and a rake for me to get her out we were able to untangle our poor sweet scared friend. She was terrified of course but she was visibly shaken and thirsty. As Dallas untangled her leg I was awe struck. How did a string manage to knot several times around a Robin's leg and tie her to a branch so she couldn't fly or even get upright again? As we freed her and watched her get her land legs again she sat a moment then flew away. I still see her days later, she hobbles around the yard content to gather the things she should. No grandiose dreams of a twenty foot worm. She is perfectly happy to dig for her food once again. Why do we as children of God try to force our agendas on our heavenly Father? God does not conform to our plans but we to his. Unfortunately, I see myself in that little bird sometimes. I get impatient and think I know how things should work or how they will be. *I know how to fix things so well (this is completely sarcastic for the record ;] ) I end up getting ahead of the things God has for me and miss the things I should be learning. I try to get to large when God is trying to teach me peace and contentment. I jump over what He wants and force my own way and in the process hang myself with the very thing I thought I wanted. The few people closest to me will prolly know what one of the desires of my heart is. I'm praying for patience on so many levels and I'm feeling a real peace about it. Not only the one desire but so many things. The Lord knows my heart and has everything laid out in his perfect will and time. It's hard sometimes to be patient. I know I could run out and fix a few things myself, get the string free if you will, but I can also see how certain aspects of me aren't ready for the progression quite yet. I know that God knows as well, he knows every step I take and every thought in my heart. It's wonderful to know that everything is ordered of the Lord. Maybe I'm not going to have the twenty foot worm just yet, maybe I'm supposed to be content with my seed mix for now. The God who has led me and cared for me and given me such a wonderful life is still my God now. He loves me so much more than I can ever imagine and he even has his eye on my little Robin friend. I can hear her song just about everyday and she will always remind me to wait on the Lord. What a wonderful God we serve. Thank you Lord for your provisions and love. Thank you for your guidance and merciful lessons to us. You know what I need to learn even when I don't realize I'm lacking. Please help me to realize You are always in control and my path is best walked when walked by your side. I love you Lord.


To be successful, you must decide exactly what you want to accomplish, then resolve to pay the price to get it.
Bunker Hunt